I know, I’m super bad at this blogging thing, now.
I talked a big game in that post about pivoting. And then I just didn’t live up to it.
I can give you some more excuses but instead I’ll just say this: I’m not making any promises. There is no structure. There is no schedule. I’ll post in this blog when I get the desire and I’ll otherwise neglect it. My priorities have changed, but I still want this blog as an outlet for…rambling.
So, anyway. Two things have made me think a lot about moving, lately.
I came across this article about moving somewhere on your own.
Here’s what resonated with me the most:
“It’s all so glitzy and glam at first-
“Until it ebbs. The dozens of “likes” from your Facebook followers, the daily texts from your closest friends and promised weekly phone calls will fade into an empty screen of disappointment. Until the excitement of the unexplored slowly morphs into the reality of responsibility. Until the vacation is replaced with a consistent work schedule. But most of all, the move will hit you when you spend more time with yourself than you ever have before.
“When there’s an awesome concert playing or a hike you are dying to trek, but find yourself having no adventure companion. When you’ve had a long day at work and want to share your ramblings and a tall glass of wine with a close friend, but are left with the company of yourself. When you’re overlooking a breath-taking view that pictures can’t come close to capturing, but have no one to share the perfect moment with. Or when you just want to use the damn carpool lane, but have no shotgun passenger.
It hits you- you are alone.“
That’s where I am right now
Except the thought was never, “Should I move back home?” All I can think about is, “I guess Denver wasn’t the right spot, where should I go next?”
I was reading The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman and came across this quote:
“Like the people who believe they’ll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but who learn it doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.“
He’s right, though.
No matter where I move, the situation will be the same. So instead of dropping everything I’ve built again, I need to stick it out and learn to make what I have work for me.
I need to remember that sometimes things are hard and you can’t run away from them. I can’t just keep hopping from place to place. That could actually cause problems. Because I’ve never stuck with one thing long enough to let things grow. I’m pulling up the roots before the plant begins to bloom.
But what about this feeling of stagnation?
Isn’t the whole world around me moving while I’m just sitting still? Trying to build routines and getting accustomed to mediocrity.
Or are they just caught up in the same whirlwind as me? How do I get over this fear of missing out? Fear that everything cool is happening somewhere else. And that’s why I’m not 100% happy every second of every day.
I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to stick around to figure things out.