“I know, I know”
I’m sitting on my kitchen floor cramped between the cabinets and my fridge as I talk to my mom on the phone. I’ve just had a slight meltdown about a project to which I had committed that wasn’t going particularly well at the moment.
After spending a good five minutes vividly describing the world in which I fail, literally everything falls apart and the apocalypse is ushered in all because of me…I know exactly what she’s going to say.
She carefully goes through everything I’ve just described and tells me exactly why I’m 100% wrong and the worst that can happen would be someone is kind of disappointed…and I’m super disappointed.
Of course, I know she’s right. I’d been telling myself that for weeks. Every time I started to feel overwhelmed or faced a problem that seemed unsolvable, I’d coach myself into trudging through it with promises of finding the answer.
But I didn’t believe it.
I knew everything would be fine. I’d get through it and if I didn’t, the world wouldn’t end.
For some reason I just couldn’t convince myself that what I knew…was true. The scenario where the world ends would always overshadow the one where life goes on despite my failure.
Why is this? Why won’t I believe what I know is true?
We’ve all experienced it. Being on the other end is probably the most frustrating. Have you ever talked to a friend about her terrible boyfriend and said, “I have the solution to all your problems!! Break up with him.”…then you dutifully listed off every reason why he’s the scum of the earth.
Only to hear her reply, “I know, I really should.”
But she doesn’t believe it. And she won’t. She’ll continue to date him, continue to complain, you’ll continue to give her the solution…and she’ll continue to say, “I know.”
She knows. She knows how to fix her problem. She knows there’s a solution. But she just doesn’t believe it will make things better.
I don’t really have an answer here. I just find it intriguing that there are things that I know but don’t believe in.
Good news, though. My mom was right. Well, actually…I successfully completed the project so the entire scenario never even played out. But if it had, I think you’d all still be here today.